“You’re worthless... you’re only produced to be sold."
For the majority of my life, these were the anthems of my days. The abuse that I had to live through was an absolute nightmare.
You’d think, after I finally escaped, that’s when life started for me...
It didn’t. Escaped often does not mean survived.
The trauma, the hurt, the betrayal- It all formed this horrible prison I was bound into for many years after I have escaped..
The complex trauma and PTSD that I suffered from was like a ghost, hovering around me 24/7.
It made me hate this body, that has been through so much and yet lives, it made me question every relationship, each person that meant well was in my eyes evil.
The grief and pain was like a tsunami, hitting me every day. And each time it hit, I felt like drowning. I attempted suicide countless times after I escaped. I starved myself, I self medicated, I lied, I screamed, I ran.
Overcoming trauma has been the hardest battle I have ever fought.
I never believed it could change.
What happened? Time.
And people. People who loved me enough to sit in the fires with me and not try to fix me but rather assist me to make healing my own responsibility.
And with every healing, time was the essence for my healing. Time, consistency, security.
Patience by those around me, patience with myself.
And then it happened.
One day I looked into the mirror and saw my scared body. But this time the disgust didn’t appear as well. This time was different... This time hope knocked at my door. I looked at my body and I felt Love. I was proud of this insanely strong body that has been through the worst possible and yet lives. I started seeing my spirit.
I am who I am today, because of my experiences. I am Strong, I am smart, I am compassionate. I am loving, forgiving, and man, sometimes I even crack myself up.
Let me ask you this:
What is stronger than the human heart that shatters over and over again, and yet lives?
Whatever you go through-it truly will be ok.
Go to the mirror and see yourself for who you REALLY are.
And I know, hope will be knocking at your door again, too.